#185) It's So Unfair

July 18, 2018

Dear Mr. Trump,

It breaks my heart to see the way liberal media outlets like Fox News continue to rake you over the coals for your performance at yesterday's press conference with Vladimir Putin instead of highlighting all of the good points.  For instance, your hair was totally on point.  The comb-over was masterful but the way the whole thing just looked light enough to float off your head was breathtaking, almost gravity defying.  (I would say magical but of course magic is satanic because it opens the way for demonic possession which I am totally against.)  I couldn't look away.  It was almost like the words that came out of your mouth didn't matter because I was blinded by the meringue of your hair and sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what would happen if a big gust of wind came along.

Also, whoever does your bronzing should get the Congressional Medal of Honor.  I especially love the way they avoid putting it around your eyes so that they are more white than the rest of your face.  It makes your eyes really pop.  It puts me in mind of the Lone Ranger (another stalwart defender of freedom, justice, and the American way!) who wore a white mask but yours is way better because it is real.  You don't need the artifice of a leather mask that can be taken off or put on as the situation demands because you're always on and ready to stand up to defend your country like the true American that you are.  It's like there's nothing fake about you because you don't hide behind anything.  I appreciate that.

So don't let the pundits get you down Mr. Trump.  You do you and just let the haters go hate on someone else for a while.  I'm sure this whole thing will blow over before you know it.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

P.S. You could probably trademark that shade of orange you wear so well.  It would be a wonderful addition to the Trump business empire.  Just look at how much money Kylie Jenner has made off of lipsticks.  Make up lines are HUGE right now and thanks to the hippy health conscious liberals steak and vodka are out.  So it's probably time to diversify anyway.

#184) Another Job Well Done

July 17, 2018

Dear Asshole,

Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on that impressively disastrous press conference in Helsinki with Vladimir Putin.  Truly, it was a remarkable performance.  Not only did you go against your own national security, justice department and country...but also against reality!   Well done, sir. It must not have been an easy feat but you managed to pull it off with aplomb and barely even broke a sweat.

You know usually when you do something like this (embarrassing, stupid, inexplicable, un-presidential...really you can just fill in your own word for my "this") there is a contingent of Republicans who stand up for you, even if they have to hold their noses while they do it.  But this time you're facing nearly unanimous condemnation.  (I mean, you know you've messed up when even Newt Gingrich tell you you've messed up.)  So congratulations on uniting the country!  Nice job.  That's another win for Team Trump.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

P.S.  I saw your interview with Sean Hannity following your success in Helsinki...but what the heck is this "nuclear warming" crisis you are trying to solve?  It sounds like a hybrid of nuclear war and global warming.  I'm so glad you brought this new threat to our attention.  Probably the liberal media has brushed it under the rug because it doesn't forward their leftist-communist agenda.  Luckily for us you're not afraid to speak the truth.  What would we do without you?!

#183) Loyalty vs. Competence

March 15, 2018

Dear Mr. President,

It will come as no surprise to you that I was never a fan of Rex Tillerson and I'm not sad to see him go, however, he did have a good head on his shoulders, seemed rational, reasonable, and at least open to new ideas.  The same cannot be said for his replacement, Mike Pompeo.  Mike Pompeo is a yes man.  He will tell you what you want to hear when you want to hear it and that will make you very happy (at least for a while).  It will also make the world a much more dangerous and unstable place because a Secretary of State's job is not to assuage your fragile ego and tell you what you want to hear, but to maintain world order while securing the peace and prosperity of our country within that order.

I find it ironic that you portray yourself as a manager and deal-maker (in fact, I believe these were the only relevant skills on your resume for the job of POTUS) but are failing colossally at both.  You reward loyalty above skill or experience no matter how many times it blows up in your face.  (Isn't the very definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?)  Choosing devotion over competence in your staff not only makes you an ineffective leader, it also makes our country unstable.  I guess it's hard for you to see this when your most trusted advisor is only yourself and you fire anyone who might point it out to you.

I've said it before but I'll say it again:  you are dangerously unfit to hold the office of President of the United States.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

#182) Truth in Numbers

Paul Ryan

Speaker of the House

H-232 The Capital

Washington, DC  20515

March 14, 2018

Dear Mr. Speaker,

I like data.  I find that numbers can really help to give shape to ideas.  Here are some numbers for you to think about today while tens of thousands of public school students and staff walk out of their schools to bring awareness to the need for reasonable gun control laws in this country.

There are 5 million NRA members in the United States.

There are over 200 million registered voters in the United States (that's 195 million voters who are not NRA members) 

In 2018, the millennial generation (people aged 18-34) is set to pass baby boomers as the largest voter eligible group in the country. 

8,346,246 teenagers who weren't old enough to vote in 2016 will be eligible in 2018.

16,692,493 will be eligible to vote in 2020.

I don't think the odds are in your favor on this one.  I think you and the Republican Party should be bracing yourselves for some very disruptive mid-term elections this fall and then a complete sea change in 2020. 

Don't say you weren't warned.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

P.S.  I saw a great bumper sticker this morning that said, "You can't fix stupid, but you can vote it out of office."

#181) Steel and Aluminum Tariffs

March 2, 2018

Dear Mr. President,

I may be a little out of my depth here, but I'd like to weigh in on your recent decision to put a 25% tax on steel imports and a 10% tax on aluminum imports coming into this country (because sometimes an unvarnished outsider's perspective really can help to clarify things).

From where I'm sitting you, and your administration, have had a colossally awful couple of weeks.  You're losing critical staff left and right, every teenager in America hates you, massive gun control rallies are planned all over the country for later this month, your good buddies at the NRA are publicly dissing you, and calling Jeff Sessions mean names on Twitter seems to have backfired.  So I totally understand your need to save face and do something to rally your voter base.  In other words, you need a "win".  I get it.  But imposing huge tariffs on steel and aluminum imports and possibly sparking a global trade war is not the best way to do that.

Republican Senator Ben Sasse said, "You'd expect a policy this bad from a leftist administration not a supposedly Republican one."  The Canadian Foreign Minister as well as several officials from the EU  also made very derogatory public comments about your plan.  And China flat out said it was, "stupid."  (I am not making this up.  They literally said it was "stupid".)

These tariffs will definitely make the steel and aluminum industry happy, but they are the only people who will be happy because these tariffs will most likely increase prices for American consumers.  Anything an American might want to purchase that is made with steel or aluminum will be more expensive plus prices on things that we import from other countries will probably rise as our trading partners seek retaliation for your short-sighted protectionism.  So basically, it looks as if you have prioritized the needs of 115,000 steel and aluminum workers over the needs of millions of consumers.  Hmmmmm, I'm not an economist but this seems like a bad idea to me.

I guess this is what happens when your most trusted advisor is yourself and yourself doesn't really know what he's doing.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

 

#180) Dick's Sporting Goods

Edward Stack, Chairman and CEO

Dick's Sporting Goods

345 Court St.

Coraopolis, PA  15108

March 1, 2018

Dear Mr. Stack,

I spend an inordinate amount of time writing angry letters to politicians who can't or won't do what's right for the American people.  So it is with much relief and gratitude that I write to you today to thank you for stopping the sale of assault-style rifles and limiting other gun sales to those over 21 in your stores nationwide.

As you said so perfectly in your open letter, "But thoughts and prayers are not enough.  We have to help solve the problem that's in front of us.  Gun violence is an epidemic that's taking the lives of too many people, including the brightest hope for the future of America – our kids."

Thank you for being willing to take the lead on this issue.  I'm sure that you will lose some customers because of it, but me and my family of six will make it a point to buy from you from now on.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

#179) Defense vs. Prevention (yes, they are different)

February 28, 2018

Dear Mr. President,

As we all know, nuance is not your strength (you're more of a short, simple, declarative sentence kind of guy) so I'm going to explain a somewhat nuanced argument to you as simply as I can.  You and the NRA keep talking about defending schools with more fire power, more secure perimeters, and more displays of strength and might but what the people are actually asking for is prevention.  Prevention is NOT THE SAME as defense.  The Parkland, Florida students who have mobilized so effectively and so eloquently are talking about preventing school gun violence by removing the f*cking guns, especially automatics and semi-automatics.  Defending vs. preventing may seem like a subtle difference to you but to the rest of the world (those of us who are able to think about big ideas) it is huge.  Arming teachers and bringing more weapons into schools is the complete opposite of what most teachers, students, and families are asking for.

Violence begets violence.  History has shown us this over and over again and I believe that introducing more fire power into an already stressful and chaotic environment could have catastrophic consequences.  First off, accidents will happen.  As any parent or adult who spends a lot of time with children knows, they are unpredictable, curious and sometimes just impulsive little people who do not always follow directions.  This makes a loaded weapon in the classroom setting an accident waiting to happen.  Second off, an armed and scared teacher could accidentally shoot the wrong person.  They may have the best intentions in the world and even weapons training, but under the stress of an active shooter situation mistakes could be made that can never be un-made.  Thirdly, and most importantly, the police won't know who's who when they show up with their guns.  So now we've just got a bunch of stressed, scared and armed people trying to do the right thing by shooting someone...especially someone brandishing a gun (which could be a teacher, student or staff member). 

Mr. President, I am in favor of preventing school shootings.  Neither I nor my family would feel safer with armed teachers, armed guards, or arms of any kind in our schools.  Schools should be places of learning and creativity, but the defensive measures that you are describing would turn my school into a prison.

It's time to limit – rather than increase - ownership of automatic weapons.  I believe that is the best way to make our communities safe again.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

P.S.  If you spent a few days in any public school anywhere in America you would very quickly realize what a dangerously stupid idea arming teachers and school staff is.