#212) Silent Majority? Really?

June 22, 2020

Lord Damp Nut,

I've been thinking about Saturday night's re-election rally in Tulsa, and not just about the poor turn out (so sad), but about your mention of the "silent majority".  You said, "The silent majority is stronger than ever." But I'm not sure that is true and they (whoever "they" are) certainly didn’t show up for you Saturday night.

When Richard Nixon used the term silent majority in the 1960s he was referring to Americans who did not join in anti-war protests.  But when you use the term you seem to be referring to some supposed vast swathe of the American population who support you in silence for fear of expressing their opinions publicly.  This seems like wishful thinking to me.  Given the recent nation-wide protests where hundreds of thousands of Americans turned out to publicly condemn you, your policies, your abilities, and your divisiveness I think it's safe to say that the "majority" is neither silent nor shy.

I know that there is a group of people who believe that the world is flat, the moon landing was faked, covid-19 is a hoax, and there's no problem that can't be solved by God, guns or Donald Trump.  But this is definitely not the majority of people. 

Dream on nut-ball.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

P.S.  What if the silent majority are really just closeted K-pop fans?  I mean, you've got to respect the way they silently yet oh so skillfully sabotaged your rally with all those fake reservations.  Plus, K-pop songs are really catchy and BTS are so freakin' cute!

#211) You've Been Punk'd

June 21, 2020

Dear LDN,

Words can hardly express my excitement and gratitude for the youth of America this morning!  In case you're not in the loop already (and let's face it, you're rarely in the loop), here's why...while the fools running your campaign were bragging about selling 1 million tickets to last night's Trump rally in Tulsa AND setting up secondary, outside venues to handle the MASSIVE overflow crowds that were expected, the children of this nation were reserving tickets to the event with the intention of NOT showing up.  That's right, the youth of America have very quietly struck a truly savage blow against you and your hateful administration.  It wasn't antifa.  It wasn't the radical left. It wasn't the anarchists the communists or even the fake news.  It was just some really smart and rather stealthy kids!

A social media campaign led by young people, and most especially K-pop fans, on TikTok, Instagram and Twitter did more (without spending a dime!) to take the wind out of your campaign sails then any organized group of adults ever could. 

In a tweet on June 20 your campaign manager Brad Parscale said, "Just passed 800,000 tickets.  Biggest data haul and rally signup of all time by 10x.  Saturday is going to be amazing!"  Well it was "amazing".  Just not in the way you thought it would be!

I could go on and on about the hilarity and brilliance of this plan, but instead I'll let this fun video (highlighting some of the proud pranksters) do the talking:

youtu.be/utERTzrLD2Y

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

P.S.  What's that quote from the Bible about a little child leading the way?

#210) Mission Accomplished??

June 8, 2020

Dear Lord Damp Nut,

Are we great again, yet?

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

#209) Thank You General Mattis

June 5, 2020

Dear Lord Damp Nut,

In all honesty I am finding great comfort in the diversity of people who are speaking up and speaking out against your incompetence and self-absorption during this time of crisis.  There's nothing like the stress of a nation-wide disaster and near-complete collapse of civil society to really bring people together.

General James Mattis (your first Defense Secretary) rarely makes public or political statements but was moved enough by this week's turmoil to write an excellent piece about your leadership skills (or lack thereof) for The Atlantic.  In case you missed it, here's one of the best bits:

            "We can unite without him [he means you Damp Nut], drawing on the strengths    

             inherent in our civil society.  This will not be easy, as the past few days have shown, 

             but we owe it to our fellow citizens; to past generations that bled to defend our promise; 

             and to our children."

He also said, "We are witnessing the consequences of three years without mature leadership."  Ouch.  That one has got to hurt.  You were so happy and proud to have a general on your team way back in 2017...remember? 

Perhaps you can find some comfort by reading your Bible.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

P.S.  For someone who is failing, very publicly, in almost every aspect of his personal and professional life you sure are throwing the word "loser" around an awful lot when you talk about other people.  I'd stop doing that if I were you.  Just saying.

#208) Another One Bites The Dust

June 4, 2020

Dear Lord Damp Nut,

After hearing Secretary of Defense Mark Esper today rebuke your call to deploy the US military against protesters I thought, well that guy will be gone in a few days.  And that made me think about all of the other people who have left your administration over the last three and a half years.  I made a list of them and let me tell you...there have been a LOT of departures.

Since the list was so massive I decided to sort them into themed groups as a way to highlight A) your administration's ineptitude in general, and B) your poor leadership skills in particular.

Here are my groupings:

            -quit because of you

            -fired by you because you didn't like something they said

            -fired by you because they were smarter than you

            -charged with a criminal offense

            -arrested and/or jailed

            -willing to testify to Congress (or other pertinent legal authority) about you

Unfortunately, about an hour into this undertaking I became overwhelmed by the magnitude of the task and abandoned it altogether (although there is a Wikipedia page with lists of "Trump administration dismissals and resignations" which you should check out). 

Suffice it to say that your presidency has been a failure of truly epic proportions (and we'll leave it to the historians to sort out the gruesome details).

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

P.S.  Shout out to Republican Senator John Thune who – like Mark Esper - has spoken out against deploying military troops to quell the civil unrest caused by protests.  In his own simple words: "The goal always is to de-escalate, not escalate."  Way to go John!

#207) Raise Your Voice George

Office of George W. Bush

PO Box 259000

Dallas, TX  75255-9000

June 3, 2020

Dear Mr. President,

Hey – it's me again.  Sorry to bother you, but I'm worried that I didn't make it clear enough in my last letter that your endorsement of Joe Biden should be really public.  Not just a memo released to the press by your office, but a real out-and-proud-type of endorsement where you stand with the other three living presidents and make it clear to the American people that Donald Trump's failing ship of state can be righted but that it will take all of us – Democrats and Republicans – working together. 

I'm not saying that you have to hold hands and sing Kumbaya (although I would personally love that).  But you do have to stand as a group in solidarity and as representatives of the office of the president; an office which ultimately transcends partisan party affiliation.  Americans need to be reminded that there is strength in both unity and diversity and that working together is the only way to heal the damage wrought by the Trump administration.

I believe that Republican voices are needed to restore balance to this broken system.  Please consider the power that your voice has and how to best use it in these difficult times.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

#206) You're Doing It Wrong

June 3, 2020

Dearest Dampy,

I'm not exactly sure what's behind your sudden and inappropriately timed visits to religious sites but it's generally a bad sign when you piss off both the Episcopalians AND the Catholics in less than 24 hours.

I guess your visit to the shrine of Pope John Paul II this morning was another attempt at a photo op but based on how badly your bible waving in front of St John's went the night before I've got to ask...what were you thinking?!  God is not a media prop.  Not only is that seriously bad form, it also reeks of desperation. It's like you are searching for some type of legitimacy by aligning yourself with holy objects even though you have no personal connection or even knowledge of those holy objects. If you are getting this PR/spiritual advice from Paula White you should know that that woman is bat-shit crazy and should be avoided at all costs.

Catholic Archbishop Wilton Gregory said, “I find it baffling and reprehensible that any Catholic facility would allow itself to be so egregiously misused and manipulated in a fashion that violates our religious principles, which call us to defend the rights of all people, even those with whom we might disagree.  Saint Pope John Paul II was an ardent defender of the rights and dignity of human beings. His legacy bears vivid witness to that truth.  He certainly would not condone the use of tear gas and other deterrents to silence, scatter or intimidate them for a photo opportunity in front of a place of worship and peace.”

And Episcopal Bishop Marian Edgar Budde said, "The President just used a Bible ... and one of the churches of my diocese without permission as a backdrop for a message antithetical to the teachings of Jesus and everything our churches stand for....I am outraged."  And a few other choice things that I don't have time to get into just now.  But you should definitely give it a Google because she is seriously pissed off with you.

So if you were trying to convey the message that God is on your side or you are doing the work of God or tear gassing peaceful protestors is some kind of a sacred mission I think you failed pretty spectacularly.  In fact, the world is still quite confused about what your message is, exactly.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

           

P.S.  Why did the chicken cross the road?

To pose for a blasphemous photo op at St. John's Episcopal Church!! Ha ha!

P.P.S.  As you were randomly posing and posturing with that bible outside St. John's and the reporter asked you if it was your bible it really would have been better if you had lied and said, yes, instead of saying, "It's A bible."  That line is going to be a classic and will live on the internet for ever and ever (and ever and ever Amen).

P.P.P.S.  I think the Muslims are feeling left out.  If you have any free time tomorrow you should definitely swing by the Islamic Center and Mosque on Massachusetts Ave.  They would love to see you!

#205) WTF

June 2, 2020

Dear Damp Nut,

Here's what's I can't stop thinking about...we are in the midst of a national crisis, the likes of which we haven't seen for 50 years, and the language of our politicians and journalists just makes me angrier.  "Civil unrest" and "systemic inequalities" are such polite terms.  Delicate almost.  They feel clinical and safe at a time when the majority of Americans are demanding the complete opposite.

But I don't want to sanitize the injustice perpetuated on black communities in this country.  I think that we need to address it with raw honesty (as painful as that is).  People need to vent their anger and have their pain be heard.  Rioting and looting are awful, of course, but they are a physical representation of a deeper need to be seen.  There are many police departments all around the country who recognize this and have chosen to walk with protesters or kneel in solidarity to their purpose.

You, of course, are too stupid to see that need and instead have opted to arm up and "dominate" the protesters (at least to the best of your ability as most governors do NOT agree with your approach). 

Your strongman routine last night (marching to St. John's Church for a photo op after mobilizing security forces to clear you a path through peaceful protesters) was totally ineffective and only served to highlight your impotence and inadequacy.  There was nothing triumphant or heroic about the moment.  It was farcical.  In fact, I think that picture is destined for infamy as it so nicely captures the absurdity of your presidency and complete lack of "dominance" (your word).   I'm sure my future grandchildren will see it in their social studies texts with a description like:

            "President Donald Trump's made-for-TV embrace of authoritarianism's imagery    

            and tools at a brittle national moment risks unleashing toxic political forces that    

            threaten America's democratic traditions." (from Stephen Collinson, CNN)

I'm not a religious person but I do find comfort in thinking that there's a special place in hell reserved for leaders, such as yourself, willing to sacrifice the very people they were elected to serve and protect in an effort to feed their own malignant narcissism and fragile ego.

Keep it up asshole.  Only 154 days until the election (that's right...I've started a count down clock).

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

#204) Dear George

The Office of George W. Bush

P.O. Box 259000

Dallas, TX  75255-9000

June 2, 2020

Dear President Bush,

I am writing to ask that you formally and publicly endorse Joe Biden for president.  The November 3^rd election will be the most important election of our lifetime because

sectionalism in the country and factionalism in government has led to a dangerous level of divisiveness that is tearing at the very fabric of our society.  Donald Trump and Trumpism is at the heart of this divisiveness and must be stopped.

Many Republicans and right-leaning independents recognize the dangers of Donald Trump's poor leadership and are organizing against his re-election. I think the folks at The Lincoln Project said it best,

            "Patriotism and the survival of our nation in the face of the crimes, corruption and    

            corrosive nature of Donald Trump are a higher calling than mere politics. As Americans, 

            we must stem the damage he and his followers are doing to the rule of law, the Constitution 

            and the American character."

Only defeating so polarizing a character as Trump will allow the country to heal its political and psychological wounds and allow for a new, better path forward for all Americans. 

So please consider putting party policy differences aside, as a true act of public service, and endorse Joe Biden for president of the United States.  Your voice has power and your endorsement may be what moderate Republicans need to hear to finally turn their back on Trumpism and the madness of the MAGA agenda.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton