#206) You're Doing It Wrong

June 3, 2020

Dearest Dampy,

I'm not exactly sure what's behind your sudden and inappropriately timed visits to religious sites but it's generally a bad sign when you piss off both the Episcopalians AND the Catholics in less than 24 hours.

I guess your visit to the shrine of Pope John Paul II this morning was another attempt at a photo op but based on how badly your bible waving in front of St John's went the night before I've got to ask...what were you thinking?!  God is not a media prop.  Not only is that seriously bad form, it also reeks of desperation. It's like you are searching for some type of legitimacy by aligning yourself with holy objects even though you have no personal connection or even knowledge of those holy objects. If you are getting this PR/spiritual advice from Paula White you should know that that woman is bat-shit crazy and should be avoided at all costs.

Catholic Archbishop Wilton Gregory said, “I find it baffling and reprehensible that any Catholic facility would allow itself to be so egregiously misused and manipulated in a fashion that violates our religious principles, which call us to defend the rights of all people, even those with whom we might disagree.  Saint Pope John Paul II was an ardent defender of the rights and dignity of human beings. His legacy bears vivid witness to that truth.  He certainly would not condone the use of tear gas and other deterrents to silence, scatter or intimidate them for a photo opportunity in front of a place of worship and peace.”

And Episcopal Bishop Marian Edgar Budde said, "The President just used a Bible ... and one of the churches of my diocese without permission as a backdrop for a message antithetical to the teachings of Jesus and everything our churches stand for....I am outraged."  And a few other choice things that I don't have time to get into just now.  But you should definitely give it a Google because she is seriously pissed off with you.

So if you were trying to convey the message that God is on your side or you are doing the work of God or tear gassing peaceful protestors is some kind of a sacred mission I think you failed pretty spectacularly.  In fact, the world is still quite confused about what your message is, exactly.

Sincerely,

Amy Beaton

           

P.S.  Why did the chicken cross the road?

To pose for a blasphemous photo op at St. John's Episcopal Church!! Ha ha!

P.P.S.  As you were randomly posing and posturing with that bible outside St. John's and the reporter asked you if it was your bible it really would have been better if you had lied and said, yes, instead of saying, "It's A bible."  That line is going to be a classic and will live on the internet for ever and ever (and ever and ever Amen).

P.P.P.S.  I think the Muslims are feeling left out.  If you have any free time tomorrow you should definitely swing by the Islamic Center and Mosque on Massachusetts Ave.  They would love to see you!